His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
