just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
