At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
