its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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