he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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