dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
