Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
