i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
