So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
