We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
