Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
