My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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