i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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