Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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