Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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