Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
