There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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