You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
