it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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