I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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