Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
