yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
