Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
