Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
