I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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