my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
