I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
