I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
