new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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