So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
