Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
