I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
