The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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