drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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