um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
