I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
