what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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