Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Terrible idea I love it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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