Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
