I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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