I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
