I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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