Your dad touched me again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize