no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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