this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
