yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
