Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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