is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You made out with two different species that night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
