Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize