and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
