i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
