somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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