The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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