I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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