so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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