The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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