The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
