Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All the doctor said was why
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
