Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
