Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
