I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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