your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
