Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
